So, the driveway and the back patio, they were looking absolutely grim. I mean, years of grime, moss trying to claim squatters' rights, the whole nine yards. I'd been putting it off, you know how it is, but finally, I just couldn't stand looking at it anymore. Decided it was time to bring out the big guns, that cleaning machine I'd picked up a while back.

Getting Set Up – The Usual Faff

First things first, I had to drag the thing out of the shed. It’s not exactly lightweight, let me tell you. Then began the ritual of connecting everything. The hosepipe from the tap to the machine – that took a bit of wrestling to get a good seal, always does. Then attaching the lance and picking a nozzle. The instructions, as usual, were about as clear as mud. Honestly, who writes these things? I just picked one that looked sort of medium-strength to start with. Didn’t want to accidentally etch my name into the paving stones on the first go.

I made sure to do a quick sweep of the area. Didn’t want to be blasting small rocks into the windows or anything. And I put on some old clothes and boots. Good thing too, because spoiler alert: you get wet. You get really wet.

Unleashing the Beast

Alright, moment of truth. I switched it on. That machine roared to life, a bit louder than I remembered. I squeezed the trigger on the wand, and WHOOSH! The kickback nearly took me by surprise. Definitely gotta hold on tight to that thing. I started on a patch of the patio that was particularly green and nasty.

And you know what? It was pretty satisfying. Watching that jet of water just strip away the dirt was kind of amazing. It’s like magic, but a very loud, very wet kind of magic. I got into a rhythm, sweeping the nozzle back and forth. You could see the original color of the stones reappearing. It was a slow process, mind you. This isn't a five-minute job, not if you want to do it right.

• Started with the patio slabs. They came up a treat.
• Moved onto the brickwork on a low garden wall. Had to be a bit more careful there, didn't want to dislodge any loose mortar.
• Then I tackled the driveway. That was the biggest job. So much embedded dirt.

The Mess and The Aftermath

I mentioned getting wet, right? Yeah, by the end of it, I was soaked. And not just with water. There was muddy spray everywhere. On my face, in my hair, all over the windows I’d just cleaned a week ago. Classic. It’s definitely an outdoor job for a day when you don’t mind making a bit of a mess that you'll have to clean up later.

After a good few hours, and a couple of breaks because my arms were aching, it was done. The difference was incredible, though. The patio looked brand new, and the driveway, well, it was a different color. A much cleaner color. It’s a heck of a workout, wielding that wand for hours.

Packing it all away was another story. Draining the hoses, coiling them up without them kinking into a tangled mess. Storing the machine itself. But seeing the results? Yeah, it was worth the effort. Just about. Next time, I'm definitely wearing full waterproofs, not just old jeans.

So, if you're thinking of tackling a big outdoor cleaning job with one of these things, my advice is:

• Wear clothes you don’t care about. Seriously. And eye protection.
• Clear a bigger area around you than you think you need. Things fly.
• Start with a wider spray nozzle or a lower pressure setting, especially on softer materials.
• Be patient. It takes time to do a thorough job.
• And prepare to ache a bit the next day.

It’s a powerful tool, no doubt about it. Does the job, but it makes you work for it.