That Awkward Moss Situation

So last weekend I stepped onto my deck and nearly ate concrete breakfast. That stupid outdoor carpet got greener than my lawn after all the spring rains. Moss grew like bad gossip - fuzzy patches popping up everywhere between the fibers. Couldn't see the original pattern anymore. Figured it's time to murder some moss.

What I Grabbed From My Shed

• White vinegar jug that was gathering dust
• Baking soda box with clumpy corners
• Old stiff-bristle broom
• Garden hose sprayer attachment
• Random bucket that smelled like fertilizer

Operation Moss Destruction

First I tried drenching patches with straight vinegar. Poured it right from the jug like I meant business. Smelled like pickles gone wrong. Waited an hour expecting brown death... but nope. Moss laughed at my vinegar attack. Still stupid green.

Got serious. Mixed half bucket vinegar with fistfuls of baking soda. That fizzy mess overflowed all over my shoes. Slapped that paste onto moss patches with a trowel like frosting a crap cake. Left it baking in sunlight for two hours. Came back and scrubbed hard with the broom - fibers got tangled in the bristles, pissed me right off. Sprayed everything down with hose until paste soup washed away. Moss still waved at me.

Grabbed that chlorine bleach hiding behind paint cans. Poured maybe two cups into spray bottle with water. Spritzed those smug green patches until dripping. Waited thirty minutes while drinking coffee. Saw the moss turning yellowish - victory dance started in my head. Hosed it off hard again.

The Final Score

Checked after everything dried. Bleach won that fight - patches looked like dead spiders curled up on the carpet. Swept off the corpse remains easy-peasy. Carpet pattern finally visible again under the dead moss graveyard.

What Actually Worked

Straight facts: Bleach water melted it best. Vinegar just annoyed the moss. Baking soda felt like making science fair volcano that accomplished nothing. Scrub damage happened with stiff broom - softer brush would've been smarter. Whole yard smells like swimming pool now though.