Alright folks, buckle up. Wanted to clean some serious gunk off my AR bolts and pistol slides today. Felt like they needed a proper deep clean after sitting for a bit. Looked at the junk piled on my bench and thought, "Yeah, it's time."

Dug Out My Junk

First thing, gotta find 'em. Pulled out the dusty plastic bin tucked behind some ammo cans. Rifled through old rags, empty solvent bottles, random springs – the usual bench chaos. Finally found the parts wrapped in a slightly greasy cloth. Grease everywhere, sticky feeling on my fingers. Ugh.

The Cleaner Collection

Raided my cabinet where I keep all the potions. Ended up pulling these five bottles:

• Option 1: The Pricey Foam Stuff
• Option 2: That Smelly Solvent Everyone Talks About
• Option 3: The Cheap Big Bottle From The Discount Bin
• Option 4: The "Eco Friendly" One That Never Works Right
• Option 5: The Paste In A Tube That Claims Everything

Going To Work

Tried the foam first. Sprayed it onto a filthy bolt carrier. Foam ballooned up, looked cool for a few seconds. Let it sit like the can said. Five minutes later? Grease was still caked on like concrete. Used my nylon brush like a maniac. Minimal improvement. Felt kinda ripped off.

Switched to the famous smelly solvent. Opened it and nearly choked. Yeah, it bites your nose hairs alright. Dipped a brush straight into the bottle and scrubbed the same bolt section. It DID cut through better than the foam. Stuff started dripping off brown. But damn, the stink lingered. Had to crack the garage door even though it's cold.

Thought, "Screw it, try the cheap juice." Poured some onto a cleaning patch. Dabbed it on a carbon-crusted slide. Started rubbing. Didn't smell much. Didn't foam. But surprise, the black gunk came off easier than I expected. Just wiped it clean. Huh. Not bad for the price.

Gave the "Eco Friendly" another shot – past experiences weren't great. Sprayed it on. Looked like water. Smelled like water. Left it soak for 10 minutes. Barely moved the grime. Scrubbed till my arm hurt. Minimal effect. Felt like washing dishes with spit. Pointless.

Finally grabbed the paste. Squeezed that gray goop onto a toothbrush (my old cleaning trick). Got right into the extractor claw junk. Paste turned black immediately. Threw the part into my little ultrasonic cleaner bath to rinse. Came out looking new! But that paste? Messy. Gooey. Got it all over my knuckle somehow.

What Actually Got the Job Done

So here's the ugly truth after hours messing with this crap:

• The Foam: Looks flashy, cleans weak. Disappointing.
• The Stinky Solvent: Works hard, smells harder. Gag-worthy.
• The Cheap Stuff: Honest surprise. Simple, cheap, effective. Winner.
• The Eco Goo: Utterly useless. Like cleaning with sadness.
• The Paste: Gets deep crap off but creates a whole new mess. Effective but annoying.

Bottom line? Should've just grabbed the cheap bottle and some rags first, saved myself the headache and chemical warfare on my nose. That discount bin stuff did just fine for routine crap, and the paste for the nuclear-level grime if I can handle the stickiness. Eco stuff went straight in the trash where it belonged. The pricey foam? Sitting in the back of the cabinet looking stupid. Lessons learned, bench cleaned. Done.