So I finally decided to try out this car steam cleaning thing everyone's talking about. Bought a cheap handheld steam machine from Walmart last Tuesday. Looked simple enough – just a box with a hose and nozzle. Figured I'd test it on my old Honda before touching my wife's new SUV.

Unboxed it yesterday morning. Plastic smell hit me right away. Had like three pieces: the main unit, a squeegee attachment, and this tiny brush head. No instructions. Just a picture of a happy guy steaming his car. Thought "how hard could it be?"

First mistake: didn't check the water type. Poured straight tap water into the tank. Plugged it in, pressed the power button. Red light blinked for like 10 minutes straight. Started getting impatient. Kicked the unit lightly – boom! Green light came on. Steam started puffing out the nozzle.

Grabbed the hose and aimed at my driver side door. Held it too close – like 2 inches away. Vapor shot out HOT. Burnt my pinky when the steam bounced back. Dropped the nozzle right on my toe. Hurt like hell. Steam kept blasting the driveway.

Figured out you gotta keep moving constantly. Tried the hood from about 8 inches away. Steam loosened dirt instantly. Wiped with microfibre cloth – clean spot showed up like magic. Got excited and did half the hood. Looked awesome.

Then ran out of water after 15 minutes. Tank was bone dry. Forgot to check capacity. Filled it again, waited another 10 minutes for steam. Tried the wheels with the brush attachment. Grease melted off like butter. But steam condensed into water droplets everywhere. Had to wipe each section immediately.

Finished the whole car in two hours. Results? Mixed. Windows looked crystal clear. Body panels had some water spots where I lingered too long. Tires were cleaner than my kitchen floor. But my toe still hurts. And I wasted half the morning refilling water.

What I learned:

• Use DISTILLED water unless you want white mineral stains
• Wear gloves unless you enjoy burning your skin
• Don't kick the machine – just wait for the damn light
• Small sections only – this ain't a race

Overall? Works better than I expected. Saves water like they say. But definitely not magic. Still cheaper than the car wash though. Might try my wife's car next weekend... if she doesn't kill me first for practicing on her precious Honda.