So today I finally got around to testing those smoke machine cleaners collecting dust in my garage. Been meaning to do this forever since last Halloween when my fogger started coughing like an old tractor. Here's exactly how it went down.

Getting everything ready

First I dug out my crusty old fog machine from storage - thing looked like it sneezed coal dust. Wore my nasty work clothes too, 'cause this was gonna get messy. Laid out all seven cleaners on the workbench: Fog Magic, Froggy's, Hurricane Juice, Mega Smoke, Frogo Fogg, Godex and Liquifog. Bottles looked fancy but who knows what's inside, right?

My brutal testing method

Made things simple: same amount of gunk in the tank for each test, cleaned exactly like the labels said. Started a timer the second I poured stuff in. Important part? I checked three things:

• How fast the gunk started dissolving
• How much elbow grease needed
• If leftover sludge stuck to the heating coils

Wore rubber gloves like handling radioactive waste - that Frogo Fogg stuff smelled like rotten eggs!

Surprising results

Halfway through I realized some "premium" brands were total scams. That Fog Magic liquid? Cleared 60% gunk in like five minutes flat while Froggy's took fifteen and still left streaks. The real shocker was cheap Hurricane Juice - outcleaned Frogo Fogg while costing half as much. By test six my arms were jelly from scrubbing.

What actually worked

Here's the skinny: Fog Magic and Liquifog kicked serious ass. Both ate through residue quick with almost zero scrubbing. Hurricane Juice did decent if you've got patience. The rest? Meh. Godex took forever plus it left this weird film. Frogo Fogg made my eyes water from the stench - not worth it. Mega Smoke was just... average.

Final takeaway

If your machine's mildly dirty, any cheap cleaner'll do. But for zombie apocalypse level gunk? Fog Magic's worth the extra cash. Took half the time of others. Next project? Testing how long before these cleaners turn my plastic tubes to goo. Maybe next weekend...