Okay, so recently I noticed some beer at my pub tasting a bit off – kinda sour and stale even after changing kegs. Figured the beer lines probably needed a proper deep clean. Started researching those beer line cleaning machines and man, there are so many models out there claiming to be "the best." Decided to test a few popular ones myself instead of trusting ads.

What I Actually Tried

First up was that basic hand-pump kit we had lying around. Total nightmare. Took forever to pump the cleaner through, solution went everywhere, and I couldn’t even tell if it cleaned properly. Felt like my arms were gonna fall off after three lines.

Moved on to renting a small portable electric cleaner someone recommended. Looked like a fancy water bottle with hoses. It worked faster but still sucked because:

• Kept tripping circuit breakers when running with other bar equipment
• Hoses kept popping off mid-clean (beer line gunk all over my shoes… ew)
• Cleaning cycle timer was busted – had to eyeball it

Finally broke down and tested three big-name machines side-by-side over a weekend. Borrowed two from brewer friends and rented another.

The Main Contestants

Machine #1 was this bulky blue tank thing. Pros: Powerful suction, cleaned 4 lines at once. Cons: Sounded like a jet engine, took up half the cold room, and I needed a chemistry degree to figure out the settings. Spilled sanitizer everywhere trying to refill it.

Machine #2 looked sleek like a coffee maker. Easy setup, quiet operation. But then it randomly shut off after 10 minutes. Had to restart cycles three times per line. Felt like babysitting a moody robot. Also cost more than my espresso machine.

Machine #3 (this ugly yellow box) won me over. Looked like a 90s relic but:

• One-button operation – just hook up hoses and press go
• Ran consistently through all lines without hiccups
• Tank didn’t leak when I knocked it over (oops)

My Crude Testing Method

Cleaned the exact same beer line with each machine sequentially. Used identical cleaning solution and ran each for the suggested time. After every clean, poured a test beer. That first sip told me everything – Machine #3’s pours tasted crisp every time. The other two still left faint sour notes. Also timed setup/breakdown: Took 8 minutes with #1, 6 mins with #2, just 3 mins with #3.

Almost went with the fancy Machine #2 until it error-coded on Sunday morning rush prep. Called their helpline and got voicemail. Meanwhile, Machine #3’s manual literally had hand-drawn diagrams showing how to fix clogs.

What I’m Actually Using Now

Bought the ugly yellow tank machine last month. Zero regrets. Even my newest bartender cleans lines perfectly without me hovering. Pours taste cleaner than ever, and I’m not spending hours scrubbing hoses in the sink. Best £600 I’ve spent this year. Sometimes boring reliability beats flashy features.