My Bong Cleaning Machine Adventure

Alright so last week my bong was looking nasty as hell. Brown gunk stuck everywhere like glue. Tried soaking it in alcohol overnight - did squat. Scraped with brushes until my fingers hurt. Still nasty. Then I remembered seeing those bong cleaning machines online and thought screw it, ordered one cheap off some random site.

Package arrived yesterday - just a plastic box with some tubes and a button honestly. Looked kinda flimsy but whatever. Followed what the pictures showed:

Step 1:

• Poured warm water into the machine tank till the max line (used a measuring cup cause no markings)
• Dumped in two caps of cleaner solution that came with it - smelled like fake lemons

Step 2:

• Struggled to fit my bong's downstem into the stupid rubber adapter
• Spilled nasty bong water on my damn table - had to wipe twice
• Connected the hoses to both the machine and my bong mouthpiece

Pressed the power button and... nothing happened. Realized I forgot to plug the damn thing in. Felt like an idiot. Plugged it in - heard a weak humming sound. Water started bubbling through the tube SUPER slow. Like painfully slow. Thought it was broken already.

Step 3:

• Watched brown water flowing back into the machine tank after 10 minutes
• Gross chunks floating everywhere - made me gag a little
• Let that nasty cycle run for a full hour cause the gunk was thick

Unplugged everything and holy shit - my bong looked brand new! Sparkled under the kitchen light. Even the percolators were clean like I'd never used them. Dumped the disgusting brown water down the drain - smelled like Satan's bathroom though.

Final thoughts: Worked better than expected but that wait was brutal. Pro tip: Fill below max line or it leaks. Still cheaper than buying new glass every month.