Man, this weekend I got covered head to toe in grease messing with my truck engine. Black gunk everywhere - under nails, in my hair, even inside my damn nostrils. Wiped off easy stuff with rags but the real nasty bits? Nuh uh. Figured it's time to finally test out those metal cleaners collecting dust in my garage.

Starting the Gunk War

Dug out three machines people keep yapping about:

• My old handheld ultrasonic tank mom got me for jewelry (lol)
• Cheapo Harbor Freight steam cleaner with busted nozzles
• Neighbor's borrowed soda blaster that nearly blew my garage door off last time

Grabbed crusty wrenches, oil-soaked bolts, and that evil transmission plate that laughs at soap. No science crap - just plugged stuff in and went to war.

Round 1: The Shaky Spa

Dropped bolts in the ultrasonic tank filled with Simple Green. Started buzzing like an angry bee hive. Tiny bubbles popped everywhere. Waited 15 damn minutes. Pulled them out... still greasy as hell! Like, the surface crud washed off but that sticky black film? Still there laughing at me. Good for jewelry dust maybe, not mechanic gunk.

Round 2: Steam Scream

Fired up the steam cleaner till it hissed at me. Pointed that shaky wand at the transmission plate. Boiling water shot back and nearly scalded my hand off. Dropped F-bombs for 3 straight minutes. After cooling down? Grease turned into this weird white paste clinging to the metal like glue. Had to scrub with a wire brush anyway. What's the point?!

Round 3: Soda Blast Mayhem

Dragged everything outside fearing for my windows. Put on goggles that fogged up immediately. Pulled trigger on soda blaster. WHOOOOOSH! Baking soda cloud exploded everywhere. Chickens next door went nuts coughing. Two minutes later? Spotless like factory new. Even shinier than before! But man... spent an hour wiping soda grit off my car, porch, grill, probably my neighbor's lungs too. Overkill for bolts?

Endgame Thoughts

Here’s the messy truth:

• Got light dust? Ultrasonic won’t burn your house down
• Stubborn but not baked-on crap? Steam cleans but prepare for burns & wet mess
• Industrial-strength filth? Soda blasts it to heaven but costs sanity in cleanup

Next weekend? Testing oven cleaner sprays. Or maybe just hiring someone...