Alright so I saw Carlson Cleaning Company bragging about their "proven five-step process" online. Thought, hey, maybe I can finally stop my living room from looking like a disaster zone exploded, right? Figured I’d give it a shot myself. Here’s the messy reality.

The Plan Looked Simple Enough

Their flyer showed clean rooms practically sparkling. Five steps. Sounds easy. Here’s what they claimed:

• Step 1: Pre-Vacuum Every Single Thing. Floors, furniture, you name it.
• Step 2: Heavy Spot Cleaning. Attack stains first with special solutions.
• Step 3: Deep Clean Surfaces. Wipe down everything with microfiber cloths.
• Step 4: Detailed Dusting. Get the high spots and all the fiddly bits.
• Step 4: Final Polish & Inspection. Make it shine and spot check.

Sounded logical. So last Saturday, armed with my ancient vacuum and questionable cleaning sprays, I dove in.

My Actual Execution Was Chaotic

Started with Step 1. Pre-Vacuum Everything. Sounds great. Hauled out my vacuum cleaner. Plugged it in, started on the rug. Dust bunnies bigger than hamsters flew everywhere. Vacuum choked halfway through, clogged probably. Had to spend 15 minutes hacking at the hose with a coat hanger.Progress? Zero. Frustration? High.

Moved to Step 2: Heavy Spot Cleaning. Spilled some old coffee stain solution on a questionable bottle. Poured it on a juice stain near the sofa. Rubbed. Nothing. Rubbed harder. Now the stain looked worse, kinda grey and smeary. Used another cleaner I found under the sink. That just left a bleachy white patch. Awesome.

By Step 3 (Deep Clean Surfaces), my back was already screaming. Grabbed microfiber cloths, used a generic "all-purpose cleaner." Wiped down the coffee table, TV stand, bookshelves. Finished that section? Dull, still streaky, honestly didn’t look much cleaner than before. Felt like I’d wasted elbow grease.

Step 4: Detailed Dusting. Got the step stool. Dusted ceiling fan blades. Nearly fell off trying to reach. Dust rained down directly onto the "pre-vacuumed" floor below. Wiped down blinds. Slats broke. Three fell off. Dusted picture frames. Knocked one over.My patience? Gone.

Step 5: Final Polish & Inspection. Supposed to polish and check. Used some spray wax I had. Made the table shiny, sure, but also sticky. Inspection? Looked around. Vacuum hose still dangling. Bleached stain glaring. Blinds defeated. Dust slowly resettling. Total time wasted? Almost 3 hours.

The Ugly Aftermath & What I Figured Out

Looked basically the same, just with a broken blind and a smell of mixed chemicals. My wife walks in, stares, and goes "Uh... did you clean?" Yeah. Thanks.

Turns out Carlson probably uses way better gear and specific chemicals I don’t have. Their "proven process" assumes you have industrial vacuums that don’t choke, professional-grade stain removers that actually work, and a team so one guy isn’t dying reaching the ceiling fan. My kitchen junk and old vacuum ain’t cutting it.

For a home user like me? Gotta simplify. Pre-vacuum if the machine works. Spot clean with stuff I know works on that stain. Skip the insane high dusting unless absolutely necessary. Deep cleaning surface by surface is tedious but helps focus. Polish? Maybe once a decade.

Bottom line: Carlson’s five steps might work magic with their crew and tools. Trying to replicate it with household stuff and just one exhausted person? Pure comedy. Learned my lesson. Stick to basics I can manage without breaking stuff or my spine.